Marloth Morning Mail
Your Roving Reporter: Terry Purdon
Goodbye to an Old Friend
Marloth Park residents today bade a sad farewell to Gerald the Giraffe who was found dead on the ‘bad’ road leading into Marloth.
A passing motorist couldn’t help noticing Gerald sprawled next to the road and initially thought he might just be taking a nap, but when he did not respond to a loud blast of “La Cucaracha” from the horn of his Polo GT, Mr. Van de Merwe realised that something serious was wrong with Gerald, so he called the park rangers.
On their arrival, it was confirmed that Gerald was indeed dead and they suspected that he had been hit by a low flying plane as it was preparing to land at a nearby airfield. The body of poor Gerald was lifted by a front-end loader borrowed from a local contractor and unceremoniously dumped in a trailor to be taken off for an autopsy.
The first thing that the Doctor noticed was the strap of a bra, sticking out from the corner of Gerald’s mouth. On closer inspection, Gerald was found
to have a pair of silk ladies knickers lodged in his windpipe and it was obvious that this was cause of poor Gerald’s early demise.
Further examination of the contents of Gerald’s stomach revealed a treasure trove of lingerie as well as men’s ‘smalls’ leading the medical team to conclude that Gerald was one kinky giraffe.
However, wildlife experts believe that it was the shortage of food in Marloth which drove Gerald to seek out an alternative food source.
Local resident, Mr.Donald Johnson has submitted a picture of a pair of men’s briefs that have mysteriously appeared on his property. After close inspection of the offending article, Mr. Johnson commented, “Well I guess there are some things that even a giraffe cannot stomach!”.
Residents are urged to visit the Park office to identify and reclaim items recovered from Gerald’s tummy.